They Know But DO NOT Tell
You ask of my companions.
Hills, sir, and the sundown,
and a dog as large as myself that my father bought me.
They are better than human beings,
because they know but do not tell.
- Emily Dickinson
Above is a self-portrait of me and my golden retriever, Abby. She will be 13 this year. I know her time here is short. But it's a reminder to enjoy today. Abby struggles with arthrits and seizures, but does well with a dose of remidyl daily and some over the counter "calm down" during thunder storms. ( I should give her a glass of wine, since it is 13% alcohol.) I decided to try to take some photos of Abby and me, holding the digital DSL at arms length. Now that was funny.
First Abby is afraid of the camera, which might flash, which reminds her of a lightening and thunder storm, which will mean she must pace around the house, and find a place to hide and pant and cry.Which is not unlike myself.....chaining negative events one after another, ending in some horrid yet unlikely consequence. But she let me do this that day. No flash, no red eye blinking lights, so she tolerated it.
How is that like me?
I struggle with depression that comes and goes, since about 1984. I'm afraid to not take the medicine. I do not want to be in a pit of despair, ever again. It hurts my soul. It takes too long to climb out. It's too hard to climb out. It distracts me from those I love and from what I love. I lie in bed, curled in a ball, or flat on my back, covered with a blanket, that surely will protect me, from....out there.
My friend Chel, in the Land of ZNE is sharing her story, to try to open discussion and understanding about mental illness, depression, suicide. I admire her courage. I will try to start sharing my story.
It's a story of survival, recovery, and I like to think, success. There are success stories.
We should tell them.